WARNING: What you're about to read is a venomous rant.
Most weeks of the year, I'm a charming, happy angel baby who speaks her mind freely. My words are diplomatically chosen and delivered in a sweet cadence with hushed tones. All that changes on one particular week. A very special, hellish week we like to call NYFW. There's just something about it that ruins me. My sweet, angel babyness is torn from my soul and at dawn, by the light of the first runway show, I transform into a she-devil.
Before diving into this let me make one thing clear; I'll always admire the art, creativity and skill that goes into the fashion industry. I understand NYFW is a business, meant to turn a profit. I just think the IRL experience of Fashion Week is very, very, very dumb, that's all.
NYFW is such a weird thing in and off itself. We all sit/stand/squeeze into a room and watch a 5 min stampede of people rush past us, blaring music and epilepsy-inducing light show in tow. Then we shuffle out in a packed line, like a well dressed herd of cattle, to a new tiny box-of-a-room for our next show. And we keep doing this for a week straight.
Yay! So funnn
If you wanna hear someone name drop and gab on about how they sat next to Alexa Chung or scored a pair of gifted Balenciaga studded loafers please go elsewhere, you will not find that happiness here. Those exciting, but fleeting experiences are merely metaphorical flotation devices to keep attendees afloat on the sea of bullshit that is NYFW.
Allow me to continue. What else do you see in excess at fashion week? Well kids, there's endless flutes of champagne, beautiful skinny people a-plenty and the food is served tiny or nonexistent. The air at every daytime show/event is filled with the frenetic energy to be "seen" and "spotted". Actually, I'm quite certain from an aerial view the typical event space appears as a single churning mass of thin arms flailing to take the perfect selfie, pretty faces raised to the ceiling, mouths agape in evil cackles and one or two bloodied pitchforks being held by bedazzled B-listers in designer garb.
::takes a breath and wipes brow::
I think the best part of NYFW is missing NYFW.
Seriously, the secret to enjoying it is to go to none of the events in the day and all of the events at night. That's really where the fun is. People are delirious from drinking themselves into a daze since midday, famous peeps let their hair down and get real with people and all the papz (that's paparazzi for you non-entertainment folks) have packed up and left. It's just a nocturnal paradise of starved, crazed people on the brink of sanity. If you're into people watching (or live for social psychology like me) then this is where you want to be. It's thoroughly satisfying to watch and take part in.
Yeah, the swag bags don't suck, and getting to see a live show is a dream come true for most, but I'm here for the crazy. I'm in it for the chance to observe humanity unhinged. And if I'm honest, that is the only show I want to see during NYFW.
p.s. this could just be the night owl, Netflix-loving, couch potato in me talking.
p.p.s. I'd still like a swag bag please